My head swirls on which direction to go in with my
Comfort Zone…writing something so personal makes one so vulnerable.
For those of you who don’t know, I have two
teenagers...And that makes me a Mother, a Teacher, a Forgiver, and a Friend…I
say Friend last because everything else has to come first. I tell my kids, “You
may not like everything I do, but remember…I’m not your friend” Definition: I
am the one who will NEVER steer them in the wrong direction. I will NEVER tell
them what I think sounds good. I tell them the truth, always with tenderness
and Love. I will always have their best interest at heart…
My son moved out about 2 months ago…and I’m still
adjusting…He will be my inspiration today…My Bo. And I call him just that…My
Bo.
A
Momma’s Boy He is…
Way back when he was a little lad…born in the month of
June…60 hours of labor and a C-section later…a Baby Boy blooms…8 days in the
hospital begins our journey…Just the two of us. That’s right, 2.
I was alone…with a baby in the womb…I lived at home…the
biological had left the “scene” and there we were, just us 2. My Bo. Right
before I had my son I met my husband…and soon after giving birth, we, my
husband and I would come together…our “courtship” was unlike any traditional
relationship.
We didn’t date. We were fueled by emotions…flying by the
seat of our pants. Within a year we got engaged, pregnant, with our little
girl, married, and later he adopted my Bo. We are a family of 4. The biological
and I were both 17…he wasn’t ready for parenthood, and I was left with no
choice…as with life, the show must go on. When my husband and I got married we
discussed adoption, after all he was taking on the role of the Father for my
son…The biological and I agreed to sign off and let him be free of any
responsibility. I didn’t want to hold something over his head that he wasn’t
ready for…
Years went by and my Bo came to know my husband as his
Father…I never knew the right time to tell my Bo about the adoption…he was so
young. Year after year my secret would stay hidden…in my mind I wanted to wait
until he was done with college. I feared if he, Bo, found out that it would
cause a large amount of stress…stress I wanted to carry alone for him…waiting
for the “right” time…but how, when?
We moved in the summer of 2005…my Bo was 12. He is
passionate, much like his Mother. He had a hard time leaving a place he called
home and all his friends…Through the years we, he…muddled through…as the years
passed I saw changes…changes I feared would change our lives…and they did. As I
watched, I knew waiting to tell him the truth would have to wait…until the day
the wait was over…
I’ll never forget the day…the day the truth would come…like
pulling a rabbit from a hat, except it wasn’t magic…more like tragic? I was at
work and he missed the bus…grounded from his cell phone he scurried through the
house looking…stumbling upon his truth…he found the papers on the adoption…the
papers I held in my hand WEEKS before he tripped over them…I said to my
husband, “I should really be careful” The papers were in the same place since
the adoption went through…in a briefcase hidden, or so I thought…My Bo has a
knack for finding things, like Waldo…there he sat, papers in hand, alone…until
my arrival from work.
He comes to me…”Mom, we need to talk” Me…Ok? He says…”Alone”
I tell my husband Bo wants to talk and I ask him to go outside…I go into the
family room where my Bo sits…I’m thinking he is going to tell me
something…something about a girl…or not? He asks me…”Who is so and so?”
(leaving names out for privacy) Me…Silent. Everything stops. “Did I just hear
what I think I heard?” My Bo tells me he found the papers looking for his cell
phone. I pause (gasp) and the truth be known…I watch my son, his tears…I was a
liar! What do I do?
He says to me…”I understand there was never the right
time to tell me” Relief. I was relieved to hear these words come from his
mouth…When was the “right” time to tell the truth? I sit with him…I tell him a
small piece, one piece at a time. I tell him the truth. I shared how I was
scared…I hated lying to him. I tell him about the biological…and so the story
begins. Days, weeks, months go by. I share little pieces at a time…this way he
absorbs the emotions and I help him understand…cope.
Prior to my Bo finding the truth…he was already traveling
a road I feared would change our lives…and finding the truth was the icing on
the cake…
As the years passed…my son unravels…there are many pieces
to this part of my life…Much too long to put in one post…The biological was
made aware that “our” son knew the truth after all these years…and rejecting
him came next…more icing on the cake…My Bo still struggles…a Mother…Me, who
fights to save him…Heartbreak. This last week my Bo…he got into trouble…I was
left to make a difficult decision…tough love. I have and always will be their
biggest fan. After all I am President of the fan club when it comes to my
children…I say I love them more than any mother has ever loved their
children…It’s the one Perfect thing I have…my Love for them.
This journey will continue to play a role in my Sunday
Personals…I fight the good fight…I pray he, my Bo, will overcome the obstacles
that come his way…I have no regrets…I did what I thought was in his best
interest…always with love. The pain of watching your child travel a road is
like no other…yet I remain positive…Hope. Always leaving room for Hope. Where
there is Hope, there is Freedom…Freedom from the bondage this life binds us…I
do this for Him. My Bo.
I will continue to share as the story goes…One Piece at a
Time.
Be Good to You.
Smooches,
Lola
