My head swirls on which direction to go in with my Comfort Zone…writing something so personal makes one so vulnerable.
For those of you who don’t know, I have two teenagers...And that makes me a Mother, a Teacher, a Forgiver, and a Friend…I say Friend last because everything else has to come first. I tell my kids, “You may not like everything I do, but remember…I’m not your friend” Definition: I am the one who will NEVER steer them in the wrong direction. I will NEVER tell them what I think sounds good. I tell them the truth, always with tenderness and Love. I will always have their best interest at heart…
My son moved out about 2 months ago…and I’m still adjusting…He will be my inspiration today…My Bo. And I call him just that…My Bo.
A Momma’s Boy He is…
Way back when he was a little lad…born in the month of June…60 hours of labor and a C-section later…a Baby Boy blooms…8 days in the hospital begins our journey…Just the two of us. That’s right, 2.
I was alone…with a baby in the womb…I lived at home…the biological had left the “scene” and there we were, just us 2. My Bo. Right before I had my son I met my husband…and soon after giving birth, we, my husband and I would come together…our “courtship” was unlike any traditional relationship.
We didn’t date. We were fueled by emotions…flying by the seat of our pants. Within a year we got engaged, pregnant, with our little girl, married, and later he adopted my Bo. We are a family of 4. The biological and I were both 17…he wasn’t ready for parenthood, and I was left with no choice…as with life, the show must go on. When my husband and I got married we discussed adoption, after all he was taking on the role of the Father for my son…The biological and I agreed to sign off and let him be free of any responsibility. I didn’t want to hold something over his head that he wasn’t ready for…
Years went by and my Bo came to know my husband as his Father…I never knew the right time to tell my Bo about the adoption…he was so young. Year after year my secret would stay hidden…in my mind I wanted to wait until he was done with college. I feared if he, Bo, found out that it would cause a large amount of stress…stress I wanted to carry alone for him…waiting for the “right” time…but how, when?
We moved in the summer of 2005…my Bo was 12. He is passionate, much like his Mother. He had a hard time leaving a place he called home and all his friends…Through the years we, he…muddled through…as the years passed I saw changes…changes I feared would change our lives…and they did. As I watched, I knew waiting to tell him the truth would have to wait…until the day the wait was over…
I’ll never forget the day…the day the truth would come…like pulling a rabbit from a hat, except it wasn’t magic…more like tragic? I was at work and he missed the bus…grounded from his cell phone he scurried through the house looking…stumbling upon his truth…he found the papers on the adoption…the papers I held in my hand WEEKS before he tripped over them…I said to my husband, “I should really be careful” The papers were in the same place since the adoption went through…in a briefcase hidden, or so I thought…My Bo has a knack for finding things, like Waldo…there he sat, papers in hand, alone…until my arrival from work.
He comes to me…”Mom, we need to talk” Me…Ok? He says…”Alone” I tell my husband Bo wants to talk and I ask him to go outside…I go into the family room where my Bo sits…I’m thinking he is going to tell me something…something about a girl…or not? He asks me…”Who is so and so?” (leaving names out for privacy) Me…Silent. Everything stops. “Did I just hear what I think I heard?” My Bo tells me he found the papers looking for his cell phone. I pause (gasp) and the truth be known…I watch my son, his tears…I was a liar! What do I do?
He says to me…”I understand there was never the right time to tell me” Relief. I was relieved to hear these words come from his mouth…When was the “right” time to tell the truth? I sit with him…I tell him a small piece, one piece at a time. I tell him the truth. I shared how I was scared…I hated lying to him. I tell him about the biological…and so the story begins. Days, weeks, months go by. I share little pieces at a time…this way he absorbs the emotions and I help him understand…cope.
Prior to my Bo finding the truth…he was already traveling a road I feared would change our lives…and finding the truth was the icing on the cake…
As the years passed…my son unravels…there are many pieces to this part of my life…Much too long to put in one post…The biological was made aware that “our” son knew the truth after all these years…and rejecting him came next…more icing on the cake…My Bo still struggles…a Mother…Me, who fights to save him…Heartbreak. This last week my Bo…he got into trouble…I was left to make a difficult decision…tough love. I have and always will be their biggest fan. After all I am President of the fan club when it comes to my children…I say I love them more than any mother has ever loved their children…It’s the one Perfect thing I have…my Love for them.
This journey will continue to play a role in my Sunday Personals…I fight the good fight…I pray he, my Bo, will overcome the obstacles that come his way…I have no regrets…I did what I thought was in his best interest…always with love. The pain of watching your child travel a road is like no other…yet I remain positive…Hope. Always leaving room for Hope. Where there is Hope, there is Freedom…Freedom from the bondage this life binds us…I do this for Him. My Bo.
I will continue to share as the story goes…One Piece at a Time.
Be Good to You.